I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Boobs speak an international language.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
