my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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