Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
