Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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