I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
