and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
