if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
