So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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