that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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