I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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