Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
