Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
