actually, I'm a sock model
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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