i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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