Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
