I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
