Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
