Don't make out with my wife yet
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
porn star boner night. come get it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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