FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
