Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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