Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
