Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
