Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
