Where is the hickey?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
