I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
