Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
