we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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