You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
