Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
