I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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