70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
