My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
