I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
