everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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