I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
