I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
