I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
