no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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