I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize