my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
