Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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