How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
