we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
