Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
