i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
