hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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