I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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