Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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