woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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