it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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