The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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