and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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