At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
