I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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