I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
