It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
