Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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