so let's talk penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
