dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
how does that bad decision feel?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
