Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i will never coherently bang her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
