There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
