I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I die, sorry about rent.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
