More tranny stories later!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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