I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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