WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
