OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
