i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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