Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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