PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
