I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm too high and old for this...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
