I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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