You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
