You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
