Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
