youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
