brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
